To the future of our nation
WARNING
Getting A D in any class will legitimately ruin your life
If you get a D, you wont go to college, no sir, you can forget about that.
No grad school will accept a student who get’s D’s.
Not only will they send you a letter of rejection
They will also mail you an envelope containing anthrax
To help purge the gene pool of D students.
People will look away from you as you walk along the streets
And will cover their children’s eyes so they wont have to look at you either
You will not be allowed into public buildings like libraries and post offices
You will be stopped randomly by the police while driving
(Assuming, of course, you will even own a car, which you wont)
You will end up homeless
You will never get married
You will never have any positive relationships
You will never have children
It has been scientifically proven that people who get D’s in any subject,
(Especially biology)
Have a shorter life expectancy
People who get D’s do not succeed in life, so really that’s better anyway
No grad school for you!
No 9-5, no promotion,
no white picket fence and no front lawn
No dog, no 2.5 kids,
I think we all know that there is really only one way to succeed
In this topsy turvey world of ours
And it does not involve your bad attitude,
Your mid-class catnaps
Your failure to apply yourself
Your art classes
Your “emotional intelligence”
or your communication skills,
(no one wants to talk to a failure, surely you know that?)
Oh no, steer clear of the disgusting cesspools that are D students
Lest you contract this “failure to achieve” yourself!
An easy and effective way to protect yourself from these infectious delinquents
Is to recite your schools mission statement while you walk by them,
Make a cross of your diplomas and hold them at arms length
If you are not sure if they are a D student or not
Simply throw them into the local pool.
If they float, they are definitely a D student.
Shoot them.
Another way to save a D student from their inevitable fate
Is to hit them on the head with a sizable textbook
this usually results in death, so much the better.
D students are everywhere,
They wander our streets
And go to our schools.
Protect yourself against these abhorrent creatures
Spare yourself their dreadful fate,
I know you’ll make me proud.
